Honouring Your Self

“Sometimes my mouth hits the accelerator before my brain has gone into gear.” – Julie Mason

Have you ever said ‘Yes’ to something when deep inside you is screaming ‘Noooooo, don’t do it!!!”?
And when you do, the energy you bring to whatever it is that you have agreed to do is just not your best energy. You drag your feet. Procrastination moves in and gets comfy. Then guilt arrives and you start avoiding the person you gave your agreement to…sound familiar?

Why do we do this to ourselves?

Well, it comes from this deep need for other’s approval. But lurking underneath that is where we really get to the core of the issue…and that is how you see your own self-worth.

Self-worth is a slippery thing for many of us who are passionate about what we do but not yet internally convinced that the world sees our value. That’s why we accept less than we are worth and then we get quietly resentful. And resentment is a nasty goon as well, thumping around in your head spreading evil thoughts toward anyone who has asked the question that we have been unable to say ‘No’ to.

So how do you fix the out-of-whack disease to please and self-worth seesaw?

Here are some strategies that I use to build my self-worth:

• Affirmations are fantastic to re-program that internal dialogue. Whenever the voices in your head start piping up with all the silly, stupid, crap that chips away your confidence, have your affirmations ready (I have mine on a piece of paper on my desk so I can see them easily) and start staying them aloud and with as much confidence as you can muster. Repeat them at least 3 times a day starting with first thing in the morning and last thing before you close your eyes at night.
• Give yourself space. Space to think it over. Space to decide if this is right for you. We often feel pressured to give an answer right away without pausing to consider the ramifications. Don’t be afraid to say “Do you mind if I think it over before giving you an answer?” Consider all your options and be clear with the other party about what would be a win/win scenario if you go ahead.
• Money is not evil. In fact, money has no intentions, emotions or desires whatsoever. We have been programmed to think that ‘money is the root of all evil’ and that to ask for it is a bad thing. Rubbish! It is simply an exchange of value between two people. Remind yourself of the effort it took you to learn the skills you have. I love how one friend put this out there on Facebook…here’s a snippet of what she posted:

  Please note I am NOT on tap. Over the past 12 years I have been giving and giving of my time, heart, guidance and more – above and beyond. Those who have invested in themselves and actually became my clients will attest to this and why many come back year after year. They are the ones who transform and heal because they PAY (which is an exchange) and take RESPONSIBILITY for their lives. Feel free to book an appointment, like I do when I want guidance, advice and other people’s services whether it is business advice, a haircut, a plumber or a healer. It is about respect and honouring other’s time…and respecting yourself. – Vanessa Diamond Sumner

  Those who respect your time and your talents will gladly pay for your services.
  Those who don’t pay or ask for ‘mate’s rates’ won’t respect the work that you provide them…and you will end up feeling frustrated, angry and hurt.

• No is not a dirty word. In fact it is quite liberating. We say yes sometimes because of a scarcity mentality – that if we don’t do it, how will we put food on the table? This is such a negative energy to have. Open yourself up to the abundance that the universe wants to give you. Say yes only to the things that fuel you, that have a win/win outcome and that leave you feeling wonderful to have contributed. Say no when there it is a win/lose situation, or if you are not passionate about the project. This opens up space for the universe to provide something better for you.

Honouring yourself starts by recognising and accepting who you are and the talents you have to offer in service to others. I am reminded of this every time I read this quote below by Marianne Williamson…

Your playing small does not serve the world…we are all meant to shine! WOW…that hits me every time!

I’d love to hear how you honour yourself, share them in the comments below.